An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
