i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
