I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
