I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
