You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
