My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
