I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
