guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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