i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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