Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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