Plan B is the new Plan A
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
