I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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