they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
