i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
