ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize