im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
