my vag is so smooth its legendary
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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