Moan for me like Helen Keller
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize