How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
