oh god the rape fog is back!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
