i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
