i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize