operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
