so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
