I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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