I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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