She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
