i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
