So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
