well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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