Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
