I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
