lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
