Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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