I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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