One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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