I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
