Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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