there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
