Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
