On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
