i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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