Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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