okay pat passed out under dana's car
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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