I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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