they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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