Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
