ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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