I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
