You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
