I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
