I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
