yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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