I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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