I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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