Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize