I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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