Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
