I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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