I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
