did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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