I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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