dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize