smell my finger.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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