what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
