hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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