So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
