Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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