did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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