so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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