wanna go halves on a baby?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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