When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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