he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
