We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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