How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
