I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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