You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
