He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
