what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
