She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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