i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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