I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
