I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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