so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So vagazzling was a success
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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