We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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