found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
