I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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