tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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