nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
