I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize