I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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