hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The adults are the big ones right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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