I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
