Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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