where does the pee come out of this thing
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
