i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
