she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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