The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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